Woody was the director of the Student Resource Department managing a group of world-changers affectionately called “The Dream Team.” I was a student just trying to finish high-school, living at home. Woody came in the form of the On to Victory newsletter with a motivational charge for those of us in the trenches. It was at this point that I first noticed him and became a silent observer and secret admirer of his leadership qualities.
After three years of total fulfillment and involvement at the Dallas Training Center in various capacities, I knew God had something else up His sleeve for me when an offer came from Woody to join the Student Resource Department at Headquarters. I packed my bags believing this to be the will of God. During my first day in the office, my jaw was on the floor—this was the first guy that I had ever met who had passion, purpose, and reminded me of my dad (something I told my mom that I wanted in a husband). My respect grew as I observed him at the Eternal Impact Summit (EIS) and as we worked on multiple department projects. After three months of working together, a deep admiration for Woody rooted in my heart.
Woody left the Student Resource Department in October of 2003 to move on to bigger and better things. It seemed that every time I turned around though someone was giving a positive report about Woody. My dad became a mentor in his life. A file would crop up with his name on it. I would overhear a phone conversation with him or receive a work related e-mail from him. Woody Robertson seemed inescapable…his finger prints were all over!
January 14th, 2004 | First Journal Entry
Dear Lord,
I must admit, there is a guy that I deeply admire… Woody Robertson. He’s worked within the IBLP ministry for the last 8 years and was the previous Student Resource Department director. He has such a heart for You Lord (or at least seems to) along with an obvious passion for young people.
Why am I even wasting my time writing about him anyway? It seems that he’s far too good/spiritual for me. Guys are just a waste of time at this point in my life. I’m only 22 years old and have much ministry packed away that has yet to be put to work. I will never marry unless Your will clearly shows that I will be more productive and have a greater ministry at that point.
At this point, I was involved in event coordinating for IBLP. The highlight of 2004 was the Eternal Impact Summit where Woody was the emcee and my grandma Kinser was the conference chef/undercover matchmaker. Grandma noticed Woody and the “hinting” began. Already struggling against my ever growing interest for Woody, I attempted to deny, but her suspicions were soon ratified. Grandma added Woody to her prayer list and I actually found myself appreciating the chance to talk to my grandmother about these feelings.
2005 was when I turned my longings into an outlet for ministry and developed several sessions and wrote some articles on whole-hearted singleness. I traveled to Korea, New Zealand twice, went bungee jumping, directed Advanced EXCEL, and did a lot of speaking. The Lord began to reveal Himself as the Lover of my soul. EIS in 2005 was the turning point where I felt my growing respect develop into awe. “Ice Princess” became my motto as I sought to “lock it in” and keep the focus on my relationship with God. I began talking to my dad about Woody…a lot. In December, my dad invited me to join him and Woody for a planning meeting. I was disgusted with myself when I realized that I had changed outfits six times before heading out the door. In Woody’s presence, I was tongue-tied. I left the meeting with mixed emotions…I had listened in on my dad and Woody share dreams and visions that resonated with my soul. The struggle to keep things at a “friendship level” in my heart and mind became acute.
2006 became the most difficult year of my life thus far. Why? Between long days at work, life, and my emotional battles, every ounce of my energy seemed robbed. By the time March rolled around, I already felt emotionally and physically exhausted. Through a series of random and God-ordained events, I found myself visiting the Robertson’s cottage in Holland, Michigan. There I spent one-on-one time with God and got to know the Robertsons and their cousin Aubrey in a more relaxed setting. I found that I just “clicked” naturally with the entire family, yet tried not to think of, guess who, Woody. He was in San Antonio during that time.
By July I had HUGE questions for God; I was groping for answers regarding my life and direction. I seriously questioned commitments, being involved in full-time ministry, my relationship with God. God had me at a crossroads…I could choose mediocrity or trust Him despite my limited perspective. God’s big picture was not yet apparent to me but He clearly spoke peace to my soul. I flip-flopped between the depths of despair and the mountaintops of exultation. For my 25th birthday celebration, eight of my friends/family threw caution to the wind as I fulfilled a lifelong dream—skydiving. Woody was one of those individuals leaving me tickled pink. I couldn’t wait to see Woody again at EIS in September.
September was the climax of my emotional turmoil. Every few days found me seeking my dad’s accountability for the condition of my lonely heart. Psycho-analyzing work related correspondence with Woody took extra effort and as a safety measure, I blind carbon copied my dad and Mandy on any e-mails to Woody. I determined that my desires were one-sided…Woody had no clue that I existed. On the other hand, one friend mentioned that Woody brightened when I entered a room. What a conundrum! I was caught between two vivid desires; I loved every interaction with Woody, but was desperate to guard my heart. I considered a career change or a commitment to single-service simply to relieve this constant pressure.
In an effort to neutralize my engaged emotions, I attempted to pinpoint Woody’s attractiveness.
October 16, 2006 | Surrender
The One Who knows it all,
Last Saturday after we closed up the details of the Counseling Seminar, Sarah and I met the Robertson family at a great restaurant—Loon Lake Lodge. On the way back to Chicago, I was trying to figure out why I like Woody soooo much… what is the attraction all about? I wouldn’t say the attraction is strictly physical, it seems deeper then that. I have a deep admiration for who Woody is becoming and who he has already become. He is a “Gate Man,” he’s a leader with the qualities of 1 Timothy 3, he’s ten times better according to Daniel 1:20. I wish I could shake this attraction and live blissfully single but it’s not working very well.
I have got to have someone that I can respect. I have got to feel like I’m supporting his cause through the daily “grind” of life—cooking, cleaning, household details, etc. Once I marry someone I can no longer do my own thing... his cause becomes my cause. Woody is the first guy and only guy so far that has ever come close.
Now with all of that said, with my life in a major transition with work/location, what do I do NOW? How do I move from daily awe and wonder with Woody Robertson to the abundant life? I’m at the crossroads of two big decisions:
1) Do I commit the next 2-10 years of my life to singleness in an attempt to stay focused? or
2) Decide that Woody is the only one for me and remain single for the rest of my life?
Are these two extremes? Is it really possible to know who your guy is years before he is awakened? What do I do in the meantime? My feelings go deeper than the outer man. It has to do with Woody being someone I would love to support and encourage… someone I believe in… someone who is becoming a “Gate Man”. I believe it is the deepest form of admiration I can offer—more than my heart, here we are talking about my life.
O Jesus, draw me close please. I long to know that You hear me and that You answer me. I don’t ask for an answer my way… but Yours. Not my will but Thine. Not necessarily for Woody to call today… but for You to call today.
I’m ready to give it (Woody and a life with Woody) up. I thank You for these feelings and heightened awareness but I give it all back to You. I surrender all. I give it all to You today and forever. I’m committed to You dear Jesus. I’m done fighting. I surrender to Your will.
Talks increased with my parents. Little did I know, at the time they began praying specifically for God’s direction. They prayed that Woody would make a move toward a relationship with me or that God would remove the desire altogether.
A speaking engagement toward the end of October, took me to Dallas to give a talk on maximizing your years as a single which, due to the condition of my heart, was as appealing as giving up coffee cold turkey. All along, God had been busy maneuvering the events of the universe for the moments that were to follow:
October 30, 2006
But as for you, the anointing (the sacred appointment, the unction) which you received from Him abides [permanently] in you; [so] then you have no need that anyone should instruct you. But just as His anointing teaches you concerning everything and is true and is no falsehood, so you must abide in (live in, never depart from) Him [being rooted in Him, knit to Him], just as [His anointing] has taught you [to do].
And now, little children, abide (live, remain permanently) in Him, so that when He is made visible, we may have and enjoy perfect confidence (boldness, assurance) and not be ashamed and shrink from Him at His coming. 1 John 2:27, 28
Mom and Dad plan on arriving in Dallas this afternoon. Dad called late last night saying that he wanted to take Mom and me out for dinner tonight. It’s going to be great… the three of us at Reunion Tower—a place that has always held a special place in my heart. The skyline brings back memories from my Dallas days and the view of the skyline from my bedroom window.
For years now, my heart always seems to skip a beat when I see the skyline. The night lights and Dallas sky… it’s wonderful! I’m in love with You Jesus. You care about it all. You care about us all!!! Today I will recount Your faithfulness from the past and look forward expectantly to Your revelation for my/our future. Speak Lord Jesus, speak. Come Lord Jesus, come.
Continued…
I thought we were going to Reunion Tower for Mom… our goal was to make it a special evening for her! Wow! I still remember following the waiter to the table as I looked out at the Dallas lights. Five steps from our table I looked up to see him—the guy that my heart has so long admired: My dear friend Woody Robertson!
I can now write Woody Robertson’s name in my journal knowing that You are involved and behind me and directing us both. You have led our hearts together for such a time as this. I can’t believe You! I can’t believe You! All of those years… all of those journal entries… all of those times of trying to keep my heart… not show my feelings… stay above reproach… keep my eyes on You… You knew! You saw it all! You were busy orchestrating the people, events, timing, everything, for this moment! I relish the fact too that this is not the final hour—this is a launching pad! This moment in history will direct and shed light on many years to come. You are God!
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that life could really get this great. You have shown me a glimpse of Your face… I have truly tasted You and long for You more. My heart pants for You as I realize the number of times that I doubted and wondered if You even cared about me. You have been at work daily pursuing me. You’ve shown me that You do care. You are intimately acquainted with every desire of my heart and life.
